The Wizard of Hogwarts
by SevieIsCute
Summary: Harry Potter spoof of the wizard of Oz features Cold!Draco, Clueless!Hermione (Big Suprise There Huh!), and Cowardly!Neville. By the way, the wizard is not Albus Dumbledore cause he isn't a phony. Three guess who? ; )
1. Over the Rainbow

The Wizard of Hogwarts  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to a certain J.K Rowling who is obviously not me. The Wizard of Oz plot belongs to whoever that wrote it.  
  
On to the show...  
  
Harry breathlessly runs home from an encounter with Voldemort.  
  
"He isn't coming yet, Ron. Did he hurt you? He tried to, didn't he? Come on. We'll go tell professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall.  
  
Harry runs up to Professor McGonagall who is currently counting the first years.  
  
"Professor McGonagall! Professor McGonagall! Professor McGonagall!"  
  
"Fifty-seven, fifty-eight."  
  
"Just listen to what Voldemort did to Ron! He -"  
  
"Harry, please! We're trying to count: Fifty - eith -"  
  
"Oh, but Professor, he hit him -"  
  
Professor Dumbledore interrupted him.  
  
"Don't bother us now, Harry. You see, the sorting hats gone bad and we're likely to not get the first years sorted.  
  
Harry showed his sympathy for them.  
  
Oh - oh, the poor little things. Oh, but Professor McGonagall, Voldemort hit Ron right over the back with a curse just because he says he gets in his business and helps me every day!  
  
"Seventy -Harry, please!"  
  
"Oh, but he doesn't do it every day - just once or twice a week. And he can't save me, anyway! And now she says he's going to get the -"  
  
"Harry! We're busy!"  
  
"Oh - all right."  
  
"Now, you just help us out today and find yourself a place where you won't get into any trouble."  
  
"Some place where there isn't any trouble? Do you suppose there is such a place, Ron? There must be. Not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away - behind the moon - beyond the rain -"  
  
Harry begins to sing, mostly to himself.  
  
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high. There's a land that I heard of  
  
Once in a lullaby.  
  
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream  
  
Really do come true.  
  
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far  
  
Behind me.  
  
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.  
  
That's where you'll find me.  
  
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,  
  
Why then - oh, why can't I?  
  
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,  
  
Why, oh, why can't I?  
  
Hehehehe!!!!!!! First chapters done but since doing this is soooo fun, I might post another one today, we'll see. By the way, I am not done with THWTOR, I just have had writers block with it, if you have suggestions, please tell me. 


	2. Twister Time!

The Wizard of Hogwarts  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to a certain J.K Rowling who is obviously not me. The Wizard of Oz plot belongs to whoever that wrote it.  
  
Well here ya go kiddies, enjoy!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry was frightened for Ron since Voldemort tried to take him away. "Oh, Ron, he'll be coming back for you in a minute. We've got to get away! We've got to run away."  
  
Harry leaped up and started running with Ron in the hallways with Ron, he met a strangely familiar person there.  
  
It was Professor Lockhart "Well, well, well! House guests, huh? Ha ha ha ha! And who might you be doing? No, no, now don't tell me. Let's see. You're playing hide and go peek. No, that's not right. You're - you're going on a visit. No, I'm wrong. You're, you're - running away from someone.  
  
Harry was astounded, no offense but this guy usually was pretty umm... Thick. "How did you guess?"  
  
Ha ha! Professor Lockhart never guesses. He knows! Ha ha! Now, why are you running away?"  
  
"Why -"  
  
"No, no, now don't tell me. They - they don't understand you, the teachers. They don't appreciate you. You want to be safe, have a family, and settle down. Ha ha!  
  
Harry was further astounded. "Why, it's just like you could read what was inside of me."  
  
"Why yes of course, I can tell you what's happening right now. Oh, yes. There's - there's - there's a woman. She's - she's wearing a - a - long robe. Her face is careworn.  
  
"That's Professor McGonagall"  
  
"Yes. Her - her name is Minerva.  
  
"That's right. What's she doing?"  
  
"Well, I - can't tell. Why, she's crying."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Someone has hurt her. Someone has just about broken her heart."  
  
"Me?"  
  
Well, it's - it's someone she cares about very much; someone she's been very kind to; someone she's taken care of in housing."  
  
Dorothy  
  
"I had no home once - and she took me into her house."  
  
"Uh - huh"  
  
"What's she doing now?"  
  
"Yes, she's - what's this? Why, she's putting her hand on her heart! She's - she's dropping down on field."  
  
"Oh, no! No!"  
  
"Well, that's all. I can't tell anymore."  
  
"Oh, you..... you don't suppose she could really be sick, do you? Oh! Oh, I've got to go out there right away!"  
  
Outside, Professor Dumbledore was rounding the students up to go inside because a terrible storm was brewing.  
  
"Hurry up and get inside children!"   
  
"It's a twister! It's a twister!!"  
  
Professor McGonagall then noticed Harry was gone. "Harry! Harry!"  
  
Dumbledore continued to yell"Come on, everybody in the school!"  
  
Professor! I can't find Harry! He's somewhere out in the storm, or worse!"   
  
Professor Dumbledore was firm, "You have to get inside Minerva, or else there won't be a you to find Harry later." Sadly, McGonagall went inside.  
  
"Professor, Professor!" Yelled Harry to no use. He was already outside and was looking in Hagrid's Hut for the Professor but no one was to be found. Suddenly, He and Ron felt the Hut lift off of the ground and whirl around.  
  
"We must be up inside the cyclone! Ron! My gosh. it's Voldemort"  
  
Outside the window, Voldemort was riding on a broom, cackling. "Ah, ha-ha- ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!"  
  
"Oh!" exclaimed Harry, and then blanked out on the floor, alongside Ron.  
  
Hey, that was really fun posting this one. Next, what will happen to poor Ron and Harry, to know, just review and I'll post again.  
  
Love,  
  
Sevieiscute 


	3. Gryffindorks?

The Wizard of Hogwarts

Disclaimer: All characters belong to a certain J.K Rowling who is obviously not me. The Wizard of Oz plot belongs to whoever that wrote it.

I want to thank all that reviewed this stupid little story of mine!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Last time:

"We must be up inside the cyclone! Ron! My gosh… it's Voldemort"  
 

Outside the window, Voldemort was riding on a broom, cackling. "Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!"

   
"Oh!" exclaimed Harry, and then blanked out on the floor, alongside Ron.

Now:

Harry woke up; surprised at the way it seemed different, somehow, brighter. Beside him, Ron was just awakening.

Shaking his head a couple times, Harry helped Ron to get up. They decided to go search for Professor McGonagall again.

Going outside, they saw a beautiful town, colorful and bright. (AN: It is a replica of Hogsmead. I think I spelled that wrong)

Turning over to Ron, Harry obviously stated, "Ron, I have a feeling we're not in Hogwarts anymore! We must be over the rainbow!"

Ron was trying to think up where this was and at that comment, he thought Harry was just…. Thick. No duh they weren't at Hogwarts, but the real question was, where were they?

Suddenly, out of thin air, a black bubble appeared and got bigger until it disappeared and in its place was a tall, fairy looking man in black robes with a sneer on his face. (AN: Guess who that is?)

"Now I know I'm not in Hogwarts!" Harry said, looking up and down the man with distaste.

"Are you a brat muggle or a stupid muggle?" Asked Snape.

"Who, me!" Said Harry dumbly since it was obvious who the irritated slytherin was talking to.

"No, I was talking to myself, of course you boy, now answer my question." Snapped Snape.

"Well, I - I'm not a muggle at all. I'm Harry Potter, from Hogwarts

"Well then, is that a muggle." Snape said pointing to Ron.

"Who Ron, Ron's my dog, I mean my best friend." Both men caught Harry's slip up but neither looked annoyed.

"Damn, Well, I'm here for nothing. The Gryffindorks called me because a new muggle has just dropped a house on the Wicked Wizard of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, unfortunately, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. And so, what the Gryffindorks want to know is - are you a brat muggle or a stupid muggle?" Snape pointed out like he'd rather be dead then serve the "Gryffindorks".

Harry replied. "But I've already told you, I'm not a muggle at all. Muggles are old and ugly. (Hey, I'm one and so are the ones reading this.) 

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes around the town. "What was that?" questioned Harry.

Snape said, "The Gryffindorks, they're laughing because they are big buffoons that don't have anything else to do. Plus, they're happy because you freed them from the Wicked Wizard of the East, Grindlewald."

Harry was a bit confused, "but what are Gryffindorks?"

Snape replied unhappily, "Stupid little insolent brats that have way too much courage and stand up to their teachers." Then, he snapped at the bushes, "You may come out now and thank your "Savior of the Gryffinland". He suddenly turned around, then turned back with a sickening smile on his face and started singing.

Come out, come out, wherever you are and meet the young man, who fell from the house.                                                         He fell from the sky, he fell very far and Hogwarts, he says, is the name of the place.  
Hogwarts, she says, is the name of the place.  
He brings you good news. Or haven't you heard? When he fell out of Hogwarts  
A miracle occurred.  
  


Harry took over from there.

It really was no miracle. What happened was just this.  
The wind began to switch - the shack to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.  
Just then the Wizard - to satisfy an itch went flying on his broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.  
And oh, what happened then was rich.  
*The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch. It landed on the Wicked Wizard  
in the middle of a ditch,   
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.

Add in a corny song sang by a cast of Gryffindors including Seamus, Dean, Colin, Dennis and whoever.  
                                                                                                                                                                                    Suddenly, there was a big bang and in the middle, there was Voldemort. The Gryffindorks all laid down on the ground and pretended he couldn't see them.

"I thought you said he was dead?" Whispered Harry to Snape.

There that's all for tonight. I promise to try and update my other story as well as this one again. I was on vacation for awhile and I just got back. Do me a favor and review for me okay.

Love,

Sevieiscute


	4. Urgh, thinking about it makes me sick!

The Wizard of Hogwarts  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to a certain J.K Rowling who is obviously not me. The Wizard of Oz plot belongs to whoever that wrote it.  
  
I want to thank all that reviewed this stupid little story of mine!!! THANK YOU!!!!  
  
Warning: Some references to slash and some cussing here and there.  
  
Last time:  
  
"I thought you said he was dead?" whispered Harry to Snape.  
  
"You idiot, that was the Wizard of the East, Grindlewald, this is his sis.. Ah hem.. Brother, the Wizard of the West, Voldemort. He's worse than his brother." Snape lectured Harry.  
  
Voldemort looked around and saw the dead body of his ..erm... brother. "Who did this, who killed my brother." He demanded. He looked over at Harry and Snape. Accusingly he said, "Was it you?" As he pointed his finger at Harry.  
  
Harry panicked, "No, no, no, It was an accident, I swear it. I didn't mean to kill nobody."  
  
Voldemort cackled and stated, "Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too!" while he was checking out Harry.  
  
Ron and Snape looked sick when they realized what Voldemort was looking at while Harry being well, Harry didn't noticed anything strange at all.  
  
After gagging a couple of times Snape mockingly said, "Yes you cause accidents, the yellow stain on you bed sheets proves it."  
  
All the people there snickered until the Gryffindorks remembered they were supposed to be cowering and they sobered up.  
  
Voldemort looked hurt if you could imagine that, but he quickly fell back into his evil stupid look.  
  
Snape asked sarcastically, "Aren't you forgetting the ruby sneakers?"  
  
Voldemort looked like he had remembered the most important thing in the world. "Yes, the sneakers."  
  
He had just turned to get them from the dead feet of Grindlewald when they disappeared. "The sneakers, they're gone!" He turned and said accusingly to Snape's smirking face "What have you done with them? Give them to me or I'll.."  
  
Snape smirked, "Or you'll do what spank me?"  
  
(AN: Bad mental image. *shudders*)  
  
"Anyways, you're too late, here they are.." Points to Harry's feet, "and here they'll stay."  
  
"Give me back my slippers Snapey, I am the only one who knows how to use them, they're of no use to you." Voldemort reasoned.  
  
Snape whispered to Harry. "Keep these on your feet, Good Lord if someone smells your feet."  
  
"HEY!" shouted Harry  
  
"Just Kidding, anyways, they must have some good magic or else she..he wouldn't want them."  
  
Voldemort felt murderous, "You stay out of this Snape or I'll fix you as well!"  
  
Snape was feeling kind of sick. "You'll fix me how? Like Potter. What are you going to do to Potter anyhow?"  
  
(AN: Why do I torture myself with these bad images?)  
  
"Anyways, be gone, you are nothing here. Be gone before someone drops a house on you also." He said, pointing to the sky.  
  
Voldemort looked a little scared and kept glancing at the sky. "Very well, I'll bide my time, to bed, I mean attend to you my pretty boy." He said glancing at Harry. "I'll get you my pretty, and your little Weasel too!" and he disappeared to a cackling laugh.  
  
Now that the fruit, I mean frightful wizard was gone, Snape barked at the Gryffindorks. "Get up you spineless fools. The bastard is gone." Then he turned and addressed Harry. "You've made a terrible enemy in the Wicked Wizard of the West, or the WWW. The sooner you're out of my hair, I mean danger, the better."  
  
Harry replied, "Well, I can't come back the way I came, so how do I get out."  
  
"Well, you need the wizard of Hogwarts."  
  
"The Wizard of Hogwarts. And no, its not Albus, he hasn't been seen since, 12 years ago, something about a vacation in BoraBora" "Is he a good Wizard of is he wicked?"  
  
"Oh very good, but very mysterious, He lives at Hogwarts and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?"  
  
(An: Not THAT one.)  
  
"No, I left in the common room."  
  
"Too bad, you'll have to walk. The Gryffindorks will escort you to our borders. And remember, don't take off those sneakers or anything else for the WWW or you will be at his mercy." Snape added looking green.  
  
Harry, not the most observant out there, didn't see what everyone else saw on Snape's face. "How do I get to Hogwarts?"  
  
"It is best if you start at the beginning of the yellow brick road." He pointed to a pair of circling roads in the middle of the town. One red one yellow.  
  
"Where does the red brick road lead?" asked Harry  
  
Snape looked like he was going to puke. "It leads to where all people lose their innocence at are gone forever at the mercy of a monster."  
  
(AN: just guess what that means.)  
  
"Anyways, just stick to the yellow brick road."  
  
Then, Snape was covered in a blue bubble which shrunk and disappeared completely.  
  
Harry was startled, "My, people come and go so quickly here!" He remembered what Snape had said. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
  
Seamus  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road  
  
Dean  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road  
  
Ginny  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road  
  
Everyone  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
  
Follow, follow, follow, follow,  
  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
  
Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick,  
  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
You're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  
  
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.  
  
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,  
  
Because, because, because, because, because.  
  
Because of the wonderful things he does.  
  
You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  
Harry  
  
Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the Yellow Brick...? Sudden;y, an unmistakable voice classified as Snapes yelled, "Just shut the fuck up already." By then, Harry and Ron had reached a fork in the road and didn't know which way to follow. "Which way we go now?" muttered Harry to himself.  
  
Sorry, that's all I can fit today. I hope you didn't get offended by my story but if you didn't go and don't come back. If you think my story totally sucks, you can stuff your comments up your ass cause I don't give a shit. This is more for my enjoyment then anything. Anyways, review and I'll update cause I didn't get enough reviews for this story and I don't know if I want to continue this. Love, Sevieiscute 


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